This teaching distinguishes between Pain and Suffering:
The First arrow is the inevitable pain: This is the initial painful experience, whether it's physical pain, emotional distress, or a difficult situation.
The Second arrow is our reaction: This is the suffering we add on top of the first arrow through our thoughts, feelings, and reactions. For example, dwelling on the pain, feeling angry or resentful about the situation, or engaging in negative self-talk.
The first arrow is often unavoidable, but the second arrow is a choice. We can choose to react in ways that minimize suffering or in ways that exacerbate it. We often make pain worse by mentally resisting it. Mindfulness helps us avoid firing that second arrow.
The parable of the second arrow is about dealing with suffering more skillfully. Any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way. Being struck by an arrow is painful. Being struck by a second arrow is even more painful.
“In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.” - Buddha
Avoiding the Second Arrow
So, how do you avoid the second arrow? First, notice the first arrow. When you are in emotional pain, allow yourself to feel it. You may notice your arrows in other ways, like frustration, irritation, and emotional or physical pain. Next, become aware and notice your emotional reaction. Maybe it is a desire to yell or complain to someone. Maybe you get angry with yourself and turn your emotions inward, feeling like you aren’t good enough or that there is something wrong with you. This is the second arrow. Catch yourself adding more pain and suffering. Finally, give yourself credit for recognizing and avoiding the second arrow. You are learning a new response. You can free up energy for circumstances you can control. However, you can also always adjust your reaction, even if you can’t control what happens to you.
We probably find ourselves dealing with the second arrow of suffering many times during the day. The story is not about denying our initial reaction, but to have a choice of how to proceed. Over time, being aware of this choice, and refraining from shooting endless second arrows at ourselves, can help free us of much unnecessary suffering.
Can you recall a time when you added a 'second arrow' to a painful experience? And now, becoming aware of it, what might shift in your experience moving forward?